“Whatever happens, happens for the best bro?”

Whatever happens, happens for the best is like a temporary cure, a balm, a band-aid. Something to soothe your mind or your brain into believing that this unfortunate time is actually good for you.

Remember when you’re going through pain and someone says “Whatever happens, happens for the best bro?”.

I don’t even know how this line came into being. Its literally the most fucked up line to hear. Especially when everything in your life is going crazy right?

Like what were the exact circumstances that inspired some man or woman to think of this glorious line.

Its apparently a beacon of hope, it’s a superficial answer to all your pain, failures and any bad thing that may have ever happened to you.

Remember when you go through a soul crushing heartbreak, your friends tell you “aye chill bro, it happened for the best bro”.

Or when you’re not able to get that dream job, your mom says “whatever happens, happens for the best. Maybe there’s something better and bigger in store for you”. What? Really?

Or when you fail that exam...ok nobody says this when you fail an exam. Your parents usually disown you.

Whatever happens, happens for the best is like a temporary cure, a balm, a band-aid. Something to soothe your mind or your brain into believing that this unfortunate time is actually good for you.

Because no matter what someone else says, you know it bloody sucks. Nobody wants to go through the pain of a heartbreak or get rejected for that dream job or watch your ideas never take off. No matter how many times they repeat this line there’s one unfathomable truth. And that truth is this - it fucking hurts. And it hurts really bad.

Which makes me wonder that if it hurts so bad then how this a good thing? Because I rather die than go through this pain right. Especially when you feel worthless, inferior, good for nothing - I mean I can go on with a whole list of synonyms here but you get the gist right.

On the afternoon of 31 December 1984, a guy named Rick Allen was involved in a car crash, with his then-girlfriend Miriam Barendsen, on the A57 road in the countryside a few miles west of Sheffield. While trying to pass another car at a high speed, he lost control of his Corvette C4, which hit a dry stone wall and entered

a field. He was thrown from the car because his safety belt had been improperly fastened, causing his left arm to be severed. Reportedly, a woman who lived nearby responded to the scene to assist the victims.

The woman packed his severed arm in ice to provide to first responders. His girlfriend suffered head, neck, and spine injuries from severe whiplash. Doctors initially reattached Allen's arm but, because of an infection, it had to be re-amputated.

So heres the thing - at the age of 21, Rick Allen lost his arm. But here’s what’s even worse. Rick Allen was the drummer of the one of biggest rock bands in the world - Def Leppard. Now I want you to imagine something for a moment. Please do this - you’re 21, a rockstar, 2 hit albums; travelling and touring the world, living the dream life as the drummer of the craziest rock bands in the world and you lose an arm.

I’m not sure if you know this but you can’t really play drums with just one arm. Ok at-least not in a metal band. Now imagine you’re Rick Allen for a moment. For a minute try and imagine his plight. Now imagine your friends telling you “whatever happens, happens for the best”. You’re going to smack the living daylights out of them right?

So why then is this line used so often. Why is this line one standard command prompt whenever you’re fucked. Why do our elders love it so much and why does this line make every motivational speaker jizz in their pants, the moment they hear it.

Because Whatever Happens, Happens For the Best is the absolute fucking truth. Whoever invented is was a genius. It’s just that over the years it’s become a superficial statement and nothing else. But if you take it apart it’s actually one of the most incredible statements ever.

Now you must be thinking - for the entire first half of this chapter this fucker was ranting about how this line doesn’t help. And when you’re hurt, it fucking hurts yada yada. And now he’s like this is the most genius statement ever. I’m sure you must be going like “get your act together bro. You want me to read this blog or not?”.

See, whenever we go through immense psychological pain our standard response to it is to shut it down. Not feel it. Like shove it under the carpet. To pretend it never happened. For example - what’s the standard advice you get when you go through a maniac heartbreak?

Ok this what most guys would say “bro, it’s her loss bro. You can get anyone you want. Just go and be with someone else. To get over someone, get under someone bro. Whatever happens, happens for the best bro”.

Honestly most of the advice really doesn’t work. And, actually the pain is a good thing because it’s very few moments in our lives that actually wake us up. It’s those very few moments in our lives which actually forces us to reflect . Reflect not just on our selves but also our life choices. It’s very few moments in our lives that help us become SELF-AWARE. Notice how I wrote that in caps and all to draw your attention. Because that’s the god honest truth. We are so scared of pain, rejection, failure, sadness that we numb it down. We are so obsessed that life will only be happy and should only be happiness that when we are confronted with these feelings we go bat shit crazy.

Try to remember your favourite movie. Could be any movie. Because the basic premise of any movie is that the protagonist is faced with a conflict and the plot is about how the protagonist resolves the conflict. In the process he or she has to go trough a plethora of feelings and circumstances both good and bad.

Now imagine your life is only good. Nothing bad really happens and even something remotely bad or sad happens, instead of accepting it you just ignore and shove it under the carpet. Because who wants to sad right.

We are all guilty of this. I’ll give you my example. So I had a really bad breakup long time ago and after she left I was really hurt. Like FUCKING HURTTTTTT.

I kept asking myself, why didn’t it work out, why couldn’t we be happy ever after like in the movies, I want her back and if she comes back everything will be happy and normal again.

I’m sure most of you have gone through this. In-fact I was so obsessed about making it work I ran after her for 2 months and convinced her to get back with me only for us to break up again in like 3 months.

I was in so much pain I can’t even explain. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, I lost my self-confidence, my motivation. To say I was a mess would be a understatement. My mom seeing me in the state I was said those magical words to me - Whatever Happens, Happens for the best.

But I didn’t give a fuck about that line. It was the world against me now. I hated it and everyone in it. I was confronted with immense pain, something I just couldn’t handle. And so I did what everyone told me to - go out, get drunk, have fun, start dating someone else. Do whatever it takes to stop the pain.

And so I went and did that. And the more I did that, the more empty I felt. The pain didn’t go away. I could occupy my mind for 12 hours with work but the pain was still there. I wasn’t confronting or dealing with it.

Now I have experienced pain, rejection, sadness etc before. But every single time I would shove it under the carpet. Basically I would just move on with my life like nothing really happened. But when all of this starts compounding is when it hits you really hard. And that’s what happened with the breakup pain. The pain had compounded to the level where I just couldn’t take it anymore.

After months of aimless drinking, working my ass off etc I realised the pain is not going anywhere.

That when someone suggested I seek therapy and I was like what? I’m not crazy why should I go for therapy?

See therapy is unfortunately such a dirty word, such a taboo that the moment you even mention it to someone they think you’ve gone bonkers. You’ve gone crazy and you’re literally one step away from a mental asylum. Not only is that not true but it’s a proven fact that mental health issues is as common as an normal disease as dengue or malaria.

So I started seeking therapy. Now the thing about therapy is, it’s not some magical place where you go and all of your life problems go away. It’s a process and long one at that and more importantly you should want to do it.

The biggest problem with most people who even start therapy is that they go for a few sessions and don’t really open up and never end up going for it ever again. But I decided I’m going to go through this and no matter what happens I’m going to become more self aware about what’s happening with me. I was a mess but I had decided I didn’t want to be a mess anymore. That’s the key word here. You have to have that basic level of self awareness that something is not right and unless you don’t you’re not going to seek therapy or even try to become self aware.

And so I went for therapy. After a few months of that an amazing revelation happened. The breakup wasn’t even the real reason I was feeling pain anymore.I was feeing pain because my ego was hurt. I was more hurt because she left me and subconsciously I was like how can she? I was so used to her being with me that when someone I thought I loved me said no to me I went mad. Because if she didn’t didn’t want to be with me, why was I pushing for her to be with me? That’s fucked up right.

But here’s the thing. The moment I became aware of my own shortcomings, the moment I became aware of my inflated sense of ego, the moment I became aware that the breakup and the the pain of it had a lot to do my with own issues, the moment I started taking responsibility for my actions - the pain started becoming bearable. More importantly I didn’t run away from the pain anymore.

I didn’t blame the world anymore. Instead I accepted my shortcomings and started to work on them.

I guess that’s why these moments are not only very crucial but also little signals to become self aware. Not only this helps you to deal with pain, sadness, rejection easily but also help you discover more about yourself and who you truly are.

So if you’re feeling low right now for whatever reason, accept that feeling. More importantly take full responsibility for your actions. It’s a part of life and use that feeling to become more self aware and change your life.

Oh P.S : I almost forgot. Remember Rick Allen the Def Leppard drummer who lost his arm. He went through the process of self awareness and self discovery as well. He realised music and playing the drums is the only thing that makes him feel alive. Also his band members were really kind and they took him back as a drummer even though he had just one arm.

And guess what? They ended up making some of their greatest and most successful songs after that. In-fact his one hand drumming ended up defining the Def Leppard style of music and made them into one of the most successful bands in history.

So, if you're feeling hopeless right now - this is your chance to transform your life completely. Because whatever happens, happens for the best, bro.

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